This is a tale from my bench, the one that pretty much sums up my life. This bench at times is the place where my family gathers to sit and share the stories of our day. Its a loved and a welcomed part of our home, where we laugh and sometimes cry, but always rest. In the winter it is placed in a cluttered garage to protect it from the not so kind elements occurring outside the garage door. Just like in life, we all have good times and bad times. Writing for me is peace, peace in an ever changing, always busy and often chaotic existence. I love to write! I may not be that great at it, but it is the one thing I do for me, so I keep doing it. I like writing fiction, because it allows me freedom and control. Something I often have too little of, at least in my own mind. Today, I decided to add my bench to the mix under the title "My Life if Sitcom!" because it often is! This a little glimpse of non-fiction with a dollop of "BS" just to add flavor!
December 11, 2016
Shoveling snow brings immediate pain to my back, but it also provides me with a quiet time to reflect. Reflect on the numerous thoughts that float around inside my brain. Thoughts often like the snowflakes I'm shoveling. Some gently drifting through the air and landing in beautiful patterns among the tree branches. They seem soft and calm, like a feather of fluff welcoming me into their warmth and comfort. I'm admiring their beauty and am captivated by the silence as they fall. Until, a cold, sharp breeze drives forward catching the flakes in a flurry of wind and plummets them into my face. My clothes feel wet and uncomfortable and I realize that while I was dreaming of silky pillows, I lost track of the fact I'm now standing in accumulating mounds of work. Then I step forward, trying to keep my balance and my white warm blanket is smashed beneath my feet....CRUNCH! It's blackened and now I need more force as I struggle to move it from the ground.
Well, today's thoughts in my head were somewhere in between. My immediate thoughts went to the end of the year, 2016 a year filled with so much emotion...scared, sad, nervous, and happy. Sometimes, happening all at once!
As the shovel hit the cement, I immediately thought how every year I say "This is the last year I am doing this! The last year I am shoveling snow!" This is the year!! The year I will buy a decent (not used) snowblower that will actually work or I swear this is the year I'm moving somewhere without snow!" But, here I am sluggishly pushing snow across my driveway, hitting those pebbles that mean I missed yet another year of blacktopping and trying to keep those nasty thoughts at bay. Those thoughts about how I am the only idiot not using a snowblower! How every year turns to debt and regrets of what was suppose to be accomplished. Another year of...
Then it happens...I hear my Dad's voice "If you are breathing with working hands and legs, you use them! You shovel!" Okay, maybe those aren't his words....maybe they sounded more like ... "Your kids need to get their lazy butts out of bed and shovel that damn snow!" (No wonder I hate winter, it comes with that DAMN snow!") My mother Mary (pun intended)...often laughed at the thought of her 5 immaculate conceptions. Dad always used the phrase "Your kids" when he was upset with us, with our lazy butts or loud music or lack of doing what he wanted us to do...of course never asking us, but expecting a result just the same.
He was a strong, quiet man of German descent. He worked hard and his hands showed it. He taught us that you don't get anything without hard work and at times he would crack a wicked smile and I knew where I inherited my gift of floating thoughts from. But, I digress, something I inherited from most likely, both my parents....the dreamer and the fisherman.
So, 2016 What A Year!!
It began with the engagement of my son to a beautiful and kind young woman I will soon call "daughter." He moved out for the 2nd time and I got to see the results of my son becoming an adult. "The Easy One" as I often refer to him as, was no longer the little blond boy who did what ever I asked of him. He now had his own life, a good job and a lovely fiancee. We got to watch him grow into a man. He no longer needed our direction, he has his own thoughts and ideas. He knows what he wants of his life and it's the time we get to see our hard work pay off. We get to witness our dreams for him come true. 2017 will bring a wedding and we couldn't be happier.
My middle daughter faced her hardest year of college yet. The overachiever who wants to please. Earning a double major while working 3 jobs was catching up with her. When she wasn't sick, she was studying and when she wasn't studying, she was working. For the first time since she left for college, she came home for the summer! It was wonderful having her around again. She went from never planning on coming home to starting the school year wanting nothing more than to get finished and be back. She grew and being on her own didn't seem like the most important thing anymore. She had a new set of dreams and achievements to obtain. She constantly raised the bar for herself and has met someone who is caring and treats her well. She's learned she deserves it. When your child leaves for college, they are big kids wanting freedom. 2017 will bring a graduation and the emergence of a young woman wanting to help make another person's life a little easier. Wanting to help those who struggle with educational challenges live up to their greatest potential. A young woman who is confident in her talents and whose heart is filled with so much love. We couldn't be happier.
For my third child, life was a roller coaster of emotions in 2016. When someone with Autism faces big transitions, the amount of uncertainty causes so much stress and anxiety. She would go from excitement to fear so quickly that most times we weren't sure what she was feeling. 2016 brought high school graduation and saying goodbye to people she had learned to trust. For most people, trust is something that is earned and when it is broken, the results are devastating. For the person with Autism, broken trust and loss can be detrimental and something they may not recover from or at least not quickly. She was having to leave a safe place with safe people.
A few years ago, we weren't sure if college would even be a consideration. Now, she was a full-time college student. She was taking a full course load to be eligible to compete in sports. This was not something we had planned and certainly not something we expected. We had worries of how she would get to college, what would she do with her time waiting for a ride home. Quickly, those worries went from us fighting to get out the door on time (although that still happens every morning) to her successfully completing her first semester of college. Although we are always running late in the morning, most evenings we find ourselves teasing each other and singing songs together. She was lucky enough to be on an awesome and successful team and she continues to improve. We have had the amazing opportunity to see her grow immensely and achieve things we never thought possible and we couldn't be happier.
So, if you find yourself breathing, with working hands and legs, use them!!! Get up off your lazy butt and do something! 2016 taught me that life changes for good and for bad. Nothing is guaranteed, not your job, your health and sadly not even your life. When you can help someone else, do it! Find happiness in the little things and love always, even when hate is standing before you. On the days you want to quit, DON'T! There is a new day dawning, a new week, a new month, a new year! When you feel like crying, go for it! Cry like a baby and then pull yourself up and be a big kid!
And, don't forget if you live in the Midwest, there is a pretty good chance there will be DAMN snow! Maybe even a lot of it, so just SHOVEL IT!! Or, if you are really lucky...use a working snowblower! Happy Holidays!!!
